Buy Low! Sell High!

Along with my genius for the written word, I am also well known for my business acumen. I believe that if you, Dear Readers, do not yet own or have immediate access to a Shetland Pony, this would be the most opportune time to make the necessary connections and bring yourself into the possession of one of these stunning creatures.

The Magnificent Shetland Pony

Truly, if I were not so dedicated to the cause of promoting my authors, forwarding the name of my publishing house (Purity Pets Press), and helping man and woman kind, I would retire immediately to a small ranch in the great state of Texas, buy a gun, and employ myself solely with the art of breeding Shetland Ponies.

I slept with both those ladies just last week.

Take it from me; I have been to the future, and I know. This revival of the art of "the good childhood photograph" will, with certainty, equal the fabled Dotcom boom (and bust) era of decades past, albeit on a smaller scale. The economic impact of Shetland/Child photography start-ups will last from several days to a month and will be felt by a number of people.

Shetland/Child Photography, beloved in the Early 20th Century will see a revival this year.

You, Dear Readers, take my advice and buy a pony today!

The Future of Literature; Literature into the Future?

Throughout the ages, any number of people have written to and about me. And, now that I'm firmly settled into the 21st century (for the time being), it's high time I got back to them.
Dear Mr. Shakespeare,

Don't mind my asking, but how did you come by the year 2007? This all seems a bit "Santa Claus-ish" at best.

Ben, Madison, WI

Dear Ben,

I'm glad you asked. Many people doubt my future/past existence. To this very day there are naysayers and rapscallions who would claim I am that dreadful wreck of a human being, Sir Francis Bacon. And now you, Ben? I suffer from a crippling disappointment just knowing that you could dare hold doubt in my existence.

From the eloquence of your letter, I've drawn the conclusion that you are both a smart and beautiful boy. You must have the intellect to understand there are many cosmic wonders that defy explanation, but that does not mean they do not occur! Take, for instance, the "Paul Lynde Halloween Special of 1976" . It may seem a bit "Santa Claus-ish," as you put it. The line-up may appear unbelievable. Yet, it did, in fact, happen! Not only was all of America able to attend this spectacle via the magic of television, I was actually there in the live studio audience, thanks to my time machine!

Let me tell you, young Ben, Florence Hendersen can sing and miracles can happen!

In regards to my current adventure: it began a couple of months ago. I had just finished my play Romeo and Juliet -- perhaps you've heard of it? -- and I was feeling a bit down. I went Internet shopping to cheer myself up. I was looking for a new pair of shoes on Zappos.com -- Gosh. I just love Zappos -- and browsing the men-seeking-men circa 2004 section of Craigslist when it struck me. I would build a time machine (or rather, Sir Francis Bacon would) and move to the year 2007.

Of course, in the future, which is now, I would need some form of employment. So, again, I turned to Craigslist and procured a position with a small organic Pet Health and Lifestyle publishing company in the East Bay. It affords me a small stipend by which I pay for a room in a lovely inn (in this century I believe it's called a hotel). I spend my spare time reading, writing criticism, learning more about my favorite Hollywood stars, getting drunk and watching Project Runway.

What is it that you do, Ben?

Love,

William Shakespeare